Lost
by Bridget Shannon Erin Malfoy
Summary: Harry reflects on the girl that made him who he is, and how she left him and lost herself. Song fic to The Goo Goo Doll's 'Big Machine'


Author's note: Don't own the Harry Potter characters. I wish I did though. Lol! Plllleeeeezzzz Read and Review my story, Flames are welcome b/c they will be used for toasting marshmellows and keeping me warm on cold winter nights! Lol! :-D  
  
Big Machine   
  
A songfic by Amelia Wren Granger  
  
_Ecstasy is all you need living in the big machine now   
  
Oh you're so vain,  
  
Now your world's way too fast  
  
Nothing's real and nothing last  
  
And I'm aware I'm in love but you don't_ _care  
_

* * *

Maybe she never realized it. Or, maybe she had and she chose to ignore it. Whether she did or didn't, I couldn't ignore it; I loved Bridget Granger. I loved everything about her. She was always so vain. She was very conceited in her own way. But I digress, back to the story. New York was a huge shock for her. I don't think that she could have ever imagined how quickly everything moves. She said she needed the excitement and action. But I knew what she really needed, she needed to be happy  
  
_Turn your anger into lust  
I'm still here but you don't trust at all  
And I'll be waiting  
  
Love and sex and loneliness  
Take what's yours and leave the rest  
So I'll survive  
God, it's good to be alive  
_  
I remember the first time I told her that she didn't belong there. She got angry. Actually, anger's the understatement. She was furious. Bridget didn't speak to me for days. When she finally did, she kissed me like I'd never been kissed before. That was the last kiss I'd ever received from her. I heard from her sister, Hermione, that she doesn't trust anyone. Maybe it's because the city doesn't warrant trust, or maybe, (and this is probably the most likely), her heart has been broken so many times. Like I said before, I know what she needs, she needs me. I think that she knows I'm there if she needs me. God, I miss her.  
  
_'m torn in pieces  
I'm blind and waiting for you  
My heart is reeling  
I'm blind and waiting for you  
_  
I tried visiting her in New York. I couldn't make it to her front door. What would I say? I wouldn't sound as sophisticated as her new friends. I would be doomed to make an ass of myself. Yeah, it's hard to believe, the famous Harry Potter, the one who defeated the dark lord, afraid to talk to a girl. Pathetic, isn't it? So, I sat on a trash can near the entrance to her apartment building, thinking about what I would say to her. Each thought sounded more stupid than the last. I guess a part of me is still sitting on that trash can waiting for the right thing to say to her to make all her pain go away.   
  
_Still in love with all your sins  
Where you stop and I begin_

_'ll be waiting  
Living like a house on fire  
What your fear is your desire  
It's hard to deal   
I still love the way you feel_

_Now this angry little girl  
Drowning in this petty world   
Oh, who you run to   
Swallow all your bitter pills_

_That's what makes you beautiful  
You're all or not   
I don't need what you ain't got  
_ She confessed to me once that she loved her mistakes, especially the ones that were particularly awful. When I asked her why, she looked at me and laughed. I never got the answer to the question. I wonder if she still loves them, or if she's ashamed of them. I suppose I'm like that, too. People often said that we were too alike for our own good. I guess I could compare her to a book. Her life is like a wild and crazy novel. Everyone's drawn in but no one actually looks beyond the words for their hidden meaning. Well, that is except for me. What she needs is what she's terrified of. She's afraid to let someone love her. Her heart's been broken so many times; I wonder if she's forgotten what love is. Maybe that's why she's so afraid of it. Her anger was probably the most passionate feeling about her. I wonder who she talks to instead of me. It's probably some guy who can make her laugh more than I can. Maybe he holds her tighter than I ever held her. God there was so much I loved about her. I suppose what drew me to her is that she was so unpredictable. She was either really happy or really angry or really sad. I loved that about her. But then again, what do I know? Well, I guess, all I really know is that she's going to die if she keeps living like this. She needs me as much as I need her. And I know I don't need anyone but her  
  
_I'm torn in pieces  
I'm blind and waiting for you  
My heart is reeling I'm blind and waiting for you  
  
_ Ron thinks I'm crazy. Still thinking that after all these years, she's going to show up. I guess I'm torn. A part of me wants to believe that she's going to come back to me someday. The other part of me knows that she's never coming back. Though, I will still keep waiting for that day she shows up and throws her arms around me and tells me that I was right. I will always be in love with that girl that no one understood. But for one brief, moment, I understood all her pain and grief. I love you, Bridget Granger. Where ever you are.  
  
_I'm blind and waiting for you  
I'm blind and waiting for you_


End file.
